Breaking Down

October 15, 2007 — Leave a comment

No this is not about some big emotional breakdown that I have have this weekend or anything like that. It is almost one in the morning and of course I am having problems sleeping. We will all be surprised about that next week.. Ha ha ha!

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am feeling the spiritual wall coming down. I feeling myself getting a touch closer to God. It is really quite nice and refreshing. However is it also very scary. I know that it is long over due but I am scared of all the things that Satan is going to try to throw my way. He will do whatever he can to stop me from getting closer to God. He will do his best to get at me and beat me down but he has me so beat down that right now I just want my Heavenly Father to  hold me and help heal my wounds.

I find it totally overwhelming how much God loves us and got more understanding with it when I had my own children. And to think that God loves me more then I love them. It is totally crazy. I love my children dearly and each of them more and more everyday. How much joy that they bring me when they smile and laugh. How much I enjoy holding them and getting hugs and kisses from them. And I think of that 10 fold with God and it blows my mind.

In any case I am waiting for the total teenage breakdown of admitting that God is right. I know that the wall is crumbling down to that and chipping at me day by day as I read more and pray more. But God is also giving my heart to give thing away to people again. I love to give and I am finding it easier as the weeks go by. This past weekend at the zoo we gave the kids Hallzooween treat tickets away not only just because we weren’t going to be there long enough to get all the tickets used up but also because we wanted to. We wanted to buy a train ticket for someone but there was no one in line when we bought ours. When Chris and I get more involved with the church I know what my job with be. I will be part of the MercyWorks team. I will be the one to go out to the homeless people and feed them or help other people who really need it. I love loving people in simple ways. So in the bulletin this week the people who do the Good Sam Run want to not only feed the people but also want to give them things they need for the cold weather. Many mentioned that they needed warm socks but they also want to get them hats, scarfs, gloves and they type of stuff. So today when running to pick up diapers for Kendra I also pick up a package of socks and this week when I go to pick up milk, eggs, bread and diapers I plan on making another stop to pick up one of the other items for them. Actually I plan on any time that I go out to buy something that I will pick up something for church.  I hope that just that small act of kindness helps them out till I get myself to a poing where I can be there to see their faces when they recieve them. My heart had great joy picking out the socks today. I wanted to get as many pairs for someone that I could. I really hate the thought that someone has no home durning the winter but at least I hope that they get to have warm dry feet.



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