Ragtag Mama

No this is not about some big emotional breakdown that I have have this weekend or anything like that. It is almost one in the morning and of course I am having problems sleeping. We will all be surprised about that next week.. Ha ha ha!

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that I am feeling the spiritual wall coming down. I feeling myself getting a touch closer to God. It is really quite nice and refreshing. However is it also very scary. I know that it is long over due but I am scared of all the things that Satan is going to try to throw my way. He will do whatever he can to stop me from getting closer to God. He will do his best to get at me and beat me down but he has me so beat down that right now I just want my Heavenly Father to  hold me and help heal my wounds.

I find it totally overwhelming how much God loves us and got more understanding with it when I had my own children. And to think that God loves me more then I love them. It is totally crazy. I love my children dearly and each of them more and more everyday. How much joy that they bring me when they smile and laugh. How much I enjoy holding them and getting hugs and kisses from them. And I think of that 10 fold with God and it blows my mind.

In any case I am waiting for the total teenage breakdown of admitting that God is right. I know that the wall is crumbling down to that and chipping at me day by day as I read more and pray more. But God is also giving my heart to give thing away to people again. I love to give and I am finding it easier as the weeks go by. This past weekend at the zoo we gave the kids Hallzooween treat tickets away not only just because we weren’t going to be there long enough to get all the tickets used up but also because we wanted to. We wanted to buy a train ticket for someone but there was no one in line when we bought ours. When Chris and I get more involved with the church I know what my job with be. I will be part of the MercyWorks team. I will be the one to go out to the homeless people and feed them or help other people who really need it. I love loving people in simple ways. So in the bulletin this week the people who do the Good Sam Run want to not only feed the people but also want to give them things they need for the cold weather. Many mentioned that they needed warm socks but they also want to get them hats, scarfs, gloves and they type of stuff. So today when running to pick up diapers for Kendra I also pick up a package of socks and this week when I go to pick up milk, eggs, bread and diapers I plan on making another stop to pick up one of the other items for them. Actually I plan on any time that I go out to buy something that I will pick up something for church.  I hope that just that small act of kindness helps them out till I get myself to a poing where I can be there to see their faces when they recieve them. My heart had great joy picking out the socks today. I wanted to get as many pairs for someone that I could. I really hate the thought that someone has no home durning the winter but at least I hope that they get to have warm dry feet.

So every night this week I have gotten sent home early. Not a bad deal I don’t think. I get to sleep some and play with the kids. I have enjoyed my time with them. I know that it isn’t going to be long before they are all grown up. Some days I am looking forward to that. Other days I wish they would stay little. I love being able to wrestle nicely with them and play with all of their toys. Today I wished they were bigger because my belly just didn’t feel good this morning. Hoping that it was nothing and move on to better things. Hopefully I can work more with Ephriam on his speech today and get him to say some more words. He keeps improving but has reach a level point where he hasn’t said too many new things. We will see what happens this weekend at the zoo. I hope that he will identify his animals that he knows well but you will have to check out the kids’ blog for more of that update.

As for me… well I am excited for this weekend. We are taking the kids to the zoo and going to church on Saturday. On Sunday or even Saturday night I might get to see my brother and his girlfriend Katie. I can’t wait to see them if they do come. I seems like forever since I have seen them and I guess it has since we haven’t seen them since July and won’t get to see them till Thanksgiving or Christmas together after that. I will get to see my brother at the end of the month when we go to visit my parents but Katie won’t be in town. Sunday will be a veg day at home and Chris and I hope to get lots done around the house if Bubby doesn’t visit.

Well I need to try to go to sleep so that I can be well rested to play with Ephriam and Kendra in the morning. Post more later.

Before I go to bed I want to post what I am praying for mostly this week. Please feel free to add your own by commenting Thanks!

On Going:

Victoria Adam- miracle healing for daddy’s kidney in her body. Fight off the viruses. Sanity for Matt and Angie as they go through the struggle. May God Bless them fully with strength and guidance.

Park Ave. United Methodist- May God Bless them with all that they may need. Thank You so much for our time there and allowing us to ministry to the youth.

H2O Nigeria- May the resources that the Vineyard has provided for them allow them to get water so that the people stop catching water born illnesses.

Missions to Nigeria-that those who are called to serve over in Nigeria go and serve well. May they help us who aren’t able to bring back something that we may help the people with more.

Uncle Jim- May God’s healing hand be on him for again to fight off his brain cancer. May he stay in good spirits through out the process and his family to have strength to pull through another big battle.

Mike and Kim Havenstien- Navs ministry in Nebraska

Changing (but not always):

Mark-relationships

Ephriam- that he keeps talking more and more everyday and that he doesn’t play shy. May he learn to use is words to get what he wants.

Mike, Tracey, and Xander- to have a healthy 2nd baby with no preterm labor or fluid leaking and a safe delivery.

Chris’ Parents

Matt, Heather,and Luke- Congrats on Luke’s Baptism. May he be molded to love God as much as his parents and serve his community well.

The Wilson’s

School- for me to get into and through

Sitter for my children both while I am in school and not.

How can God use me in the Luke 4 Community?

Bubby

Dad’s Job

Praises:

Ephriam- Saying most of his family member’s names including his own! He is improving all the time. Thanks goodnes for more words this week.

Park Ave. visit- Thanks so much for us being able to love on the people at Park even though we will not be regular attenders there. We love you all and will visit when we can.

It worked! I slept so well last night. As soon as I started to feel sleepy I told Chris to not be taken back if I did fall asleep on him while we were talking but we actually stopped talking before I feel asleep so that was nice. I wish I could take one now but since I am on call at work I can’t because they might do C Section and I will have to go in to cover the desk. However now I can’t sleep. Hoping to be asleep by 3 but that is in an hour and I am not feeling the least bit sleepy. Oh well, I am looking forward to getting to be able to play with the kids more tomorrow. Hopefully run through the house with them or maybe we will bake something. I will have to move things to the table so that they both can help because they love to help me. Just watch Ephriam with the eggs since he likes to through the shells and all in! What fun though. Okay off to trying to go to sleep.

Today Chris and mine nephew Luke Matthew was baptized. It was a very special day for us to get to see him became a part of God’s family. Not only did Matt and Heather commit to raising him to love Jesus but we also commited to help them do so. I hope that we can be a good influence on him and help him if he needs it. The kids were pretty good even though they were tired. They came home and took a little nap and got up and ate dinner played a little and then back to bed. I hope that they will get some good rest so that we can play hard tomorrow. Anyways we also decided that it was good that Luke has a May birthday because their house was packed at least we can be outside for his party. Well I need to get some rest but I am looking forward to getting to update the kids’ blog tomorrow so they can tell about their weekend.

I know the title seems strange but it is true. Tonight Chris and I were doing our Yoga and I had gone poop before we got started. Well that didn’t seem to stop the farts from coming. I was trying hard to hold them it but it didn’t work. Wish that I could have. We had to pause the DVD so that I could sit on the toliet a minute and get rid of them. I had to even spray air freshener in the room because it smelled so bad. I am sure that Chris will blog more about it so you can check it out on his at www.technerdical.churchpunk.com but I  had to get the word out first.

Okay so I used to have sleepless nights because of my children and now I don’t know if it just night shift or what but I can’t sleep when it is dark outside. I have been up till 3, 4, and 5 in the morning. Just laying in bed tossing and turning trying to get to sleep. My husband doesn’t make a peep (accept when he is talking in his sleep which isn’t always easy to make out) and the kids were out cold me laying there eyes closed and trying to sleep. Tonight I am going to take a little bit Benedryl to sleep and see what happens. I hope it at least puts me out for 5 hours. Sleeping longer would be better. So pray for a little bit of sleep for me. Thanks.

That right reach out and touch Hell. That would be what the teaching pastor of the Vineyard, Joe Boyd, talked about this week. Joe talked about Jesus healing the leaper. If you don’t know anything about being a leaper that is because we here don’t see it often. People who were leapers became outcast. They can’t come into town, people didn’t touch them, they didn’t see their family, they are pretty much dead to the community. They live in Hell. “Actually we live in Hell. It is here and it is now” is what Joe said. And I agree. There are people all over the world that live in Hell. The people in Africa don’t have enough clean water to talk care of all the people. There are people dying of diseases that we here in United States have cures and shots against. We have more then enough here and now but we like to stand on the outside of Hell and do nothing for God’s suffering people. What if that was Jesus? What if Jesus was suffering now? Would you help him? Would you help him to not suffer anymore? Jesus would want us to help them. We have more then enough here to get by. We can feed a lot of people in another country with our money. We can give people clean water and better living conditions. Jesus would. How about helping those in our area that need help. Don’t you think that you could buy a homeless person lunch. Couldn’t you open up your cupboards and give something to a pantry to feed someone? How about just giving someone a drink. Not just the person behind you by those who are really thristy? How are you reaching out to those who live in the Hell of this world? Jesus would have gone to them first. Forget about those who “know the laws” REACH OUT AND TOUCH HELL!

Okay so yeah I haven’t been the greastest at this either but I want to. I really want to love the people who feel unloved but it is hard to do that when you aren’t feeling loved yourself. Not by my family or friends but by God. I have not giving God the time that he has needed. I am getting better at it each day. I love my morning devotionals with my children, reading my devotional, talking about where Chris and I headed spiritually, talking about finding someone to help us when we are low like we are now. Not at our lowest low but we were. Everyday we are working on feeling the love of God and taking it out to Hell. Please join us in our mission to reach out and touch Hell.

That is what we are starting to read about in a Luke 4 community. And I have to say this is what I do best. I love to love people. I love to help people. I am called to be a servant. Hence why I am working on going to school to be a nurse of course on God’s timing (evidently not mine). I love helping and do things for others. I wish that I could serve more not just with my time but with money too. I wish that I could give more away for now we wouldn’t be able to afford our bills if I did.  I used to be really good at serving in the church. I don’t know what happened in the past four years that has lead me to be where I am. A marriage, youth minister, and 2 kids later I have not found myself serving enough. I know that you think that youth ministry I was serving but I don’t think that I was serving to my potentinal. I don’t think that I showed the kids how to serve with me with a happy heart and to see the joy in it. We never had very many kids showed up when we were going to do work for people unless they got something out of it. I am hoping that I can change enought to show my own kids how to love people just by giving your time and energy. I am hoping to just give things away that we don’t use anymore or that we buy new. Something that is in great working condition but not needed in our house. I am hoping once we are done having kids to give all there stuff that we have accumulated over the years away to a mom who needs it. I know that I have benefited from people giving us stuff and I would like to share that with someone else. There are a few things that I will keep like the outfits my kids came home from the hospital in or the beautiful outfit Kendra wore for her baptism. But most of the everyday stuff I want to give it all away. Chris better watch me so that I don’t get too carried away though. What can I say. I love to help others. Loving is what I do best.

Please Add Arne Severson to the list in the last post. He is in the hospital with a very bad infection and Leslie and Darren Shute and their future family.Thanks.