This is the first year that either of the kids were signed up for soccer. I wasn’t sure that Ephriam would be much interested but when we tell him it is time for soccer he wants to get dressed and get going. I think he just likes running around the field with the other kids and could care less about the ball. Kendra on the other hand she is not interested in the ball because she is too busy being miss social. However when she does get to the ball she does try a little but is too nice. If someone else is going after it she will give it up to them. They are so much fun to watch.  Their team is 1-2 but we play games all the way till the end of October. It will be fun to watch them and hopefully see them improve a little.

Ephriam and the Neurologist

It has been a while since I have posted about Ephriam and what has been going on with him. In between Grandma’s death and her memorial mass he had an appointment with a neurologist, Dr. Franz. Since he had already talked to Ephriam’s doctors he already kinda of had an idea as to what was going on with him. He said that since we had ruled that his brain was fine through the MRI and EEG that the only other thing from his stand point was to look at metabolic testing and Ephriam’s chromosomes to see what things looked liked and to start Ephriam on Fish Oil 1 gram a day . So we ran a whole bunch of lab work and a urine test to see how things were. Dr. Franz said that it would take about a week to get the results back and that he would call and let me know. A week came and went and I didn’t hear anything from him so finally after 3 weeks of waiting I called them back to see where we were at with things.  When they called back they said that everything was NORMAL!

Yet another victory for Ephriam! All his chromosomes are fine and his metabolism seems to be fine.  The Fish Oil seems to be helping Ephriam with his speech, we will see how he does as time goes on but right now it seems to be going on.  The grandparents are excited because this means that once I am done with school that Christopher and I may still have another baby but we will see.

Ephriam does have another appointment this week with his Developmental and Behavioral Ped since he did have some regression but with the Fish Oil that seems to help. I would like to see too if maybe he could be put on Vitamin E since I read an article about boys like Ephriam who have not just an just an Omega-3 problem but also a Vitamin E. We will see  what happens. We will see if he wants to run more test or what not.

So that is where we are at now. If you have any questions let me know!


Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson

I recently joined BookSneeze to be able to read books and blog about them! This is my first book to read.

I started reading Anne Jackson’s blog awhile ago and have enjoyed her simple writings so I was looking forward to reading this book by her. I really enjoyed her openness and honesty in her book. She shared parts of her life that I don’t think that I would have shared with a bunch of people I don’t know. I think that this helped to set the tone of the book. I also really like that with permission she had other pieces of art work from other people.

This book also made me think about the church that I attend. Does my church want to hide what is really going on or does it want others to speak out? I believe that we want others to speak freely. We have this great place to get help in all sorts of ways. There is plenty of support group and ways to find healing through Jesus. I would hope that we could all be like this and accept people who have come from a dark path.

I would recommend this book to others because I think that it is a great way to have healing in your past or even what you are going through right now.  I hope that everyone in any church feels like they can speak freely.


Wirlwind the Last Part…

I woke up Friday afternoon and packed up everything to go. We left the house around 2:30 and headed up to my Grandparents house. I did fine till we hit the exit to her house. I cried the rest of the way trying not to let Kendra see me since she had already been crying that day because she didn’t want her mommy and Nana to be sad. By the time we pulled  into the driveway I was a mess. Hugging my aunts and my Mom and Dad and my Uncle Joe just made it worse. Eventually when I calmed down my mom told me I needed go see my Grandpa. I told her that I wasn’t quite ready to go in the house.

When I did make it to him I was such a mess in fact that my Dad had come with me and he left me. I also made my Grandpa cry, something I hadn’t seen in a while. My Mom and her siblings had gone through so of her stuff so not all of her stuff was out which made it a little easy but that fact that she wasn’t there was hard. I even caught myself at one point wanting to ask where she was. I am sure that my Dad would have smacked me and said in the back of the car. Yep, her remains were still in the car. My Grandpa still doesn’t know what he is going to do with them.

I did eventually get myself together and had a Mike’s Hard Lemonaide then realizing that I really only had had a bowl of cereal to eat that day. So I went in the house to have something to eat. I did enjoy visiting with everyone and really didn’t see much of my kids till it was getting dark out. Ephriam was a mess so I ended up giving him a quick bath. We headed to bed tomorrow was going to be a tough day. Christopher, the kids, and I camped in the yard and I had a hard time falling asleep and staying alseep.

The memorial mass was very good. I think it helped a lot of release what was inside of us. My brother sat next to me and we all cried together. I cried the hardest when my Aunt Shell talked about how much our family ment to my Grandma. She was the one who had held us all together these years and she still will. We will continue to get together just like we always did. There was also standing room only at her memorial mass. She was loved by so many people and impacted a lot more.

We all then meet up at my cousin Courtney’s church to chat with people. It was nice because my best friend from High School and her family were able to make it. It was really nice to see them and chat with her. I really didn’t socialize with anyone else while we were there. We all decided that we need some real food and headed out to lunch. Chris and I bought Penn Station and brought it back to my Grandparent’s house to eat. There was even more food there.

We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out as a family and as it got dark and people left we were getting ready to go to bed. I went through what everyone else hadn’t gone through of Grandma’s jewelery and some of her things that my Grandpa had put out in the breeze way.  Payton was going through things with me I said out loud “Grandma I am stealing your stuff!” I totally felt like that was what I was doing, stealing. I know that I wasn’t but it sure did feel like it. I have thing to always remember her by. A small bible that she was using, the jewelery that she wore in my brother’s wedding, a few other pieces of jewelery that I remember her waring and some books that she had one because it has a bookmark with my name on it.

On Sunday morning we packed up and headed home. I won’t be back to her house till Thanksgiving but will continue to call and check on my Grandpa. I will never forget my Grandma ever. I was blessed to spend all 29 years of my life with her.

Tomorrow I am going to post pictures of her and some of my memories of her. Along with things I want my children to remember of her. It will be the first time I have gone through my pictures of her since she went home to Jesus.  It will a good way to celebrate her life.

Wirlwind Part 3…

So it was so nice to see my family as they were waiting for me in Nashville. Christopher had decided that he would head home the next day but I just couldn’t bear the though of getting back in the car to drive another 6 hours back home. I decided that we would leave Thursday morning. This way I could help my Dad do a few things around the house and visit with him too. I did a few things around the house and I just couldn’t stand being in the house by myself without my mom and thinking of my Grandma. I just kept crying and well that wasn’t good for my kids. So the kids and I went out to the outlet mall that was like  20 minutes from their house. I was really just interested in the Bath and Body outlet. I got some really nice stuff for not too much. We looked at some of the clothing stores for the kids but didn’t find much. We enjoyed a good meal of beans and cornbread or well Dad and I did the kids however didn’t really eat much and Dad and I were suppose to cut the grass but since it rained almost all day that didn’t happen. Dad and I watched the Yankee Game and headed to bed.

In the morning we got  up, I finished up a few things around mom and dad’s house and then we left. Drove all the way to Chris’ parents house for dinner. We were celebrating my newphew Joe going away to a boarding school for high school. I decision that I know my sister in law and brother in law did not make lightly. I know that he will do very well once he gets settled in.  And then we finally made it home.

As glad I was to be at home I was also sad that I wasn’t with my family. I wanted to be there to support them but really Grandma had made little to no change and I think we were making Grandpa overwhelmed with all of us there.

On Friday morning at 9:30 am I got the call from my Dad saying that they were taking Grandma to surgery and she only had a 20% chance of coming out. However that is not really what my Mom said but she was crying so hard I am sure that is what he got out of it.  At  11:30 my Dad called and said that they were waiting for my mom’s sister, my Aunt Shell, to get there and they were going to withdraw treatment. Aunt Shell was already on her way to drop my cousin, Payton, off at college.  I knew that it would be a while before she got there and knew that it would take awhile for her to pass.  I knew that some people hung in for days and even weeks. I was just ready for her to stop suffering.

I talked to my parents Saturday afternoon as they were at my Grandparents house taking a break. An hour later my Dad called and he could hardly talk. “She is gone” I got off the phone with him as quick as I could. My Grandma finally went home to the arms of Jesus on Saturday August 21, 2010 at 12:30 pm.

Even now I am so shocked to think that she isn’t going to be there anymore. Even though in my head I know that she won’t be there my heart just hasn’t accepted that fact. Did I cry? Of course I did. I mean she is gone, I just couldn’t do it on the phone with my Dad. My mom called later to check on me and tell me that my Grandpa was having her cremated and he would have a memorial mass next Saturday. I told her then I was going into work tonight. I need to not just sit around. I needed to keep busy.

And that I did. Over the next couple of days I worked and did the things that we had planned for the week. Monday and Tuesday I cried off and on because all I could remember was my last moment when I talked to her and hugged her. It was July 17 when we celebrated Mia and Kendra’s birthdays at her house. I was a mess even though I was busy. I worked Wednesday and Thursday nights and headed to my Grandparents on Friday.

… One more to be continued.

Whirlwind… Part 2

We all finished watching Whale Wars and went to bed in hope that we would enjoy the day tomorrow together in celebration. However around midnight we got a call saying that my Grandma was going to surgery because there was a hole in her colon.  I knew then that things were going sour. I then couldn’t go back to sleep I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. I talked to Christopher a little wondering if he was still awake. About an hour later we got the call that it was ugly, the doctors’ didn’t think that she was going to make it out of surgery. Mom asked me what I was doing and of course I was going to Toledo to tell Grandma that it was okay to go home and that I loved her. I asked Christopher what he was doing because my parents just need to know what they were doing with the dogs. He said that he would stay with the kids and the dogs. So at about 2:30 CST we headed for an 8.5 hour drive to Toledo. It was a hard drive to make. I didn’t sleep much just a few here and there. Mom and I took turns crying while dad drove.

When we made it to the hospital she was still there and actually doing fairly well for  the situation. She of course was in ICU with all types of tubes and what not. We spent the rest of the day there taking turns visiting her, crying on and off. That night we headed back to her house. I tried hard not to let my Mom see me cry because I thought about how she may never come back home to her house. I can just remember look at the mostly dark house the breeze blowing a little holding the bag that held my clothes. I just hoped that she was strong enough to come back to the house where not only do I have all my childhood memories of her but where my mom grew up. I was exhaused from the days event and ready to sleep but I didn’t sleep as well as I hoped. I tried to position the window air conditioner so that it wouldn’t blow on me but no prevail it blew on my face all night. Even having my fuzzy on my face wasn’t helping.

The next couple of days were the same. 12 days at the hospital and staying the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s house just long enough to sleep. One day my parents and I did go to Meijer so that they could pick up a few things and I picked up a couple of books because I was reaching my sit around and doing nothing limits.

The good part about all of this was being able to spend quality time with my family. The reasons that we were together sucked but it was nice to have one or more good conversations with each family member.

On Monday night Dad and I decided that Grandma was stable enough to head back to Nashville  the next day. I went in while Grandma was on a sedation vacation. This means that even though she still had a tube in her throat, they turned off her vent and her sedation for an hour. While I was there she was able to open her eyes at me a little and know that I was there. I told her that she was doing so well that Ephriam and Kendra needed me to be with them. I gave her a kiss and left the room with out her seeing me crying.

… To be continued.